November+2012

November 12, 2012 Today, ED205 went okay. None of the students whom I'd talked with last week said much today. We continued talking about the explicit, null and hidden curriculum. I think I need to be sure they do some reading around this next semester. They are so curious about it but have a hard time creating this concept within their current frame of reference. If I give them examples, they "get it" but don't necessarily "get it" when they don't have examples.

November 9, 2012 This week was one of the most difficult weeks in terms of my teaching at MSUM. Not overall, but because of an incident that happened on Wednesday, the 7th. It was in ED 205, the introductory course. We had been discussing the Explicit/hidden/null curriculum of schooling. I asked the students to come up with some real examples of what that looked like in their own lives. And here's where things get blurry--I had asked the groups to share out examples they had discussed and we went from one student mentioning an event to the whole class in an uproar. After I finally yelled, "STOP! STOP!", I learned that they were in an uproar over their AMCS233 class--the "diversity" class. Only about 8 students in my class are enrolled, but all of them have heard about it. They are angry, and frustrated, afraid and hurting.

After class, five of them stayed and talked with me--at first in a venting type session about the instructor, but then about the pedagogy and finally about the content--something they don't understand, and are not allowed to ask questions about. They want to learn and understand, but they perceive the message of the class to be "you are bad" and they shut down. They think they've made the effort to talk to instructors, but now they are scared. Half of each class is failing. Several were in tears. They are anxious and desperate for understanding.

I asked if they'd talk to the instructor, a couple had, the others said they couldn't--they were afraid. And I was about to suggest they go talk to the dean, but in that second, I realized that maybe that wasn't actually the best course of action. If ALL the instructors of AMCS233 are women of color, what precedent would it set to have white students complain to a white dean about the women of color. So, I didn't suggest that. I said I'd be happy to talk with them about it. But, it's hard. What do I do? I want to reach out to these women, I'm sure they experience the tensions. But, it doesn't seem to help when the instructors say, "your race did this to my race, you are bad" and bursts into tears and then it's left at that. It doesn't help them move forward and move onward. It gives them nothing to carry but the guilt and the weight of it. I feel like I need to meet with the women in AMCS, but it's so hard. And scary. And, tricky--I don't want, as a white woman to go in and say, "this is how it is, this is what you are doing wrong, etc.".

So, last night when I wasn't sleeping, I was thinking of an inquiry project. I'd like to inquire into ED students' experiences around issues power, oppression and privilege. I want to hear their stories, what they worry about, what they care about, what they wish were different, what they actually know and understand.

Puzzle: What are pre-service teachers' experiences learning about issues of power, oppression and privilege in their college programs? Landscape: University, classes, teacher education, dragon core, identity, pedagogy Field texts: my journal, narrative interviews, teacher ed lit, multicultural studies lit, white studies lit IRB: interviews